It's hard to do work when you're thinking, and it's hard to think when you're working.

I've been thinking a lot lately, been trying to figure things out, and understand things better. Things that I've been thinking about for a long time only seem to become more complicated the more effort I put into them. The irony is, if you don't think about them you'll never figure them out, but the more you think about them the more impossible they become to understand. Obviously I don't want to give up on these things. It feels that if I do, a little part of me slowly disintegrates till I eventually forget it was ever a part of me. The things you try to forget only bury themselves deeper and become more painful even if its a dull almost absent pain. The things you need to remember float away on the events of another day. Thinking about the things you need to remember causes you to think about new things that are almost related but not quite. As you continue on this train you begin to loose hold of what you were supposed to think about initially, but you somehow learn more about yourself by forgetting.

So there are all these tiny pieces of thoughts floating around in my head trying to fit together like a million puzzle pieces that are all from different puzzles. It's as if I'm thinking about things not knowing that I'm even thinking, but the gears are still turning. I can't control what my thought machine generates, and that is extremely frustrating. There is some tiny little person running around my brain library pulling books off the shelves and not putting them back where they belong, and the librarian is too busy drinking a caramel frappuccino with no whip cream, extra caramel to care.

I think I'm going to fire the librarian and just get a robot.